Why exercise self-restraint; tips to reverse alienation by Dr. Warshak

Posted on August 28, 2012. Filed under: books, story | Tags: , , , |

In Dr. Warshak’s book “Divorce Poison“, he tells alienated parents to use self-restraint. Why?

1) Your children are being manipulated to express the alienating parent’s hostility. Don’t punish your kids for the alienating parents behavior.

2) Your kids are looking for reasons to justify their dislike for you. Don’t help them.

3) Your loss of temper will play directly into the hands of the alienating parent. One lapse in judgement can be used over and over in court to exaggerate how you treat (mistreat) your kids. Your behavior will be seen as the cause of the alienation instead of an isolated reaction.

Dr. Warshak also offers suggestions on how to maintain your relationship with your children and how to reverse the alienation.

1) Don’t counter what your children say. “If you don’t want to see me then I don’t want to see you.” On some level they will be hurt and feel abandoned. It will only deepen the alienation.

2) Develop a thick skin. Remember children are the victims.

3) Don’t talk about the reasons for the hatred.

4) Concentrate on having pleasant experiences with the children. Introduce your children to people who treat you with respect and hold you in high regard such as (aunts, cousins, friends, and children who are friends with your children). Observing people valuing you will help off-set the negative image that your kids have of you. Plus it will be difficult for your children to treat you rudely if they are in a positive environment where everyone sees you in a positive light. In return your kids behavior may improve.

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