Five questions Dr. Warshak asks parents to think about before sharing divorce related info with kids

Posted on August 28, 2012. Filed under: books, story | Tags: , , |

When parents divorce they sometimes share more information with their children than they need to. In Dr. Warshark’s book Divorce Poison“, he asks parents 5 questions. These questions are designed to make parents think before sharing potentially harmful information with their children. The 5 questions are as follows:

1) What is my real reason for revealing this information to the children? (Will they benefit from the information?)

2) Are my children being harmed by the behavior I am about to criticize? Or are they being harmed by not having the information?

3) How will it help the children to hear what I am about to tell them?

4) Do the possible benefits of revealing this to the children out-weigh the possible risks?

5) If I were still happily married to my spouse, and I wanted to protect our children’s relationship with him/her, how would I handle the situation?

Dr. Warshak uses an example of a woman having an affair. She becomes pregnant. She leaves her husband and 3 kids to have her new lovers baby. She moves to another town. How does the father explain why mom moved away? Dr. Warshak’s suggested response is “I was not able to make your mother happy enough to stay in the marriage”.

(I am sure my answer would be different, but I get the point. It is important to think before answering. Speaking impulsively could hurt the kids. Tact is needed in this situation. Unfortunately most people when angry speak without thinking.  This leads to problems that are so common in many divorces.)

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