Parental Alienation Is A Pattern of Severe Psychological and Emotional Child Abuse

Posted on August 12, 2012. Filed under: story | Tags: , , |

 

 

by Dr. Randy Rand

PARENTAL ALIENATION IS A PATTERN OF SEVERE PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSE

Work product prepared by Dr. Randy Rand – January 27, 2005
Parental Alienation is a severe form of psychological abuse: Psychological maltreatment is a pattern of adult behavior, which is psychologically destructive to the child, sabotaging the child’s normal development of self and social competence. The following are 6 types of psychological maltreatment involved in parental alienation:
Rejecting: The children’s legitimate need for a relationship with the hated parent and the family of the hated parent are rejected. Rejecting involves behaviors that communicate or constitute abandonment. Who the children are as developing young people is rejected.
Ignoring: The children feel neglected and abandoned by the alienating parent’s emotional unavailability. The children have to take care of the alienating parent. The alienating parent is so absorbed in hating the rejected parent and manipulating the children’s loyalties by selectively withholding love and attention and approval. Feeling insecure about the anger the alienating parent has toward hated parent, the children seek attention and approval by saying bad things about the hated parent.
Isolating: The alienating parent isolates children by restricting normal social relationships so children won’t foster autonomy and independence.
Terrorizing: The children are verbally assaulted by the alienating parent, who creates a climate of fear, bullies and frightens the children, making them believe the target parent is hostile and a threat. The alienating parent makes the children believe that the world is capricious and hostile.
Corrupting: The children are mis-socialized by the alienating parent, reinforced for manipulative, deviant or aggressive behavior that serves the PAS agenda, even to the point of being destructive to self and/or others. In false allegations of abuse, the children are barraged with deviant behavior, taught to lie about the other parent and actively participate in perpetuating the deception. Corruption to the extent of lobbying for the legal system to sever and reject the target parents relationship with the children.
Interference with Social Competence and Self-Esteem: The drive to master interpersonal competence and work through interpersonal conflict gets squelched. This deprives the child of learning healthy self-esteem, that of knowing oneself, being accountable for one’s actions, and acting responsibly toward others and self. Instead the child learns maladaptive patterns of manipulating and acting aggressive towards others. The child fails to learn empathy, a critical condition for successful adult functioning. Instead they learn to be paranoid and adopt the pathology of the alienating parent.
Damage to the alienated children
· Pathology – a life of maladaptive patterns of thinking, behaving and relating.
· Anti social stance, don’t need to respect authority or conform to social rules.
· Can’t defer immediate gratification for long term goals, do what feels good and do it now. They become conflict avoiding or adopt an aggressive bullying
strategy for winning over conflict.
· Absence of shame or guilt.
· Absence of empathy or sympathy
· Impairment of the ability to form stable human relationships.
· Deceitfulness: Lie with a straight face. Accepting antisocial life stance
· Manipulation and aggression versus negotiating and interpersonal skills.
· Irresponsibility, disloyalty and betrayal, are what the alienated children live with.
Children are eager to have a relationship with both parents in a divorce.
· Longitudinal studies reveal that children in alignments are less psychologically healthy compared to those children who are allowed to maintain their affection for both parents.
· Aligned children are angrier, less well adjusted, and less able to conceptualize complex situations.
· They express self-confidence because they are taking a stand but it is a false sense of confidence based on anger and rejection.
· The children who reject one parent and refuse visitation are the most noticeably disturbed children and their alliances are usually with the more psychologically dysfunctional parent.
· The alienated pre-adolescent and adolescent children do not reunite with the target parent, and the estimated small number that do seek out the target parent during young adulthood, do so with lots of excess baggage because they come to it with a false history.
· Sibling relationships are usually permanently damaged when the oldest child influences the youngest toward the alignment and rejecting one parent.

WHAT DOES THE ALIENATION PROCESS LOOK LIKE?
The steps in the alienation process:
“Brainwashing” was defined as the interactional process by which the child was persuaded to accept and elaborate on the program. Brainwashing occurs over time and involves repetition of the program, or code words referring to the program, until the subject responds with attitudinal and behavioral compliance.
According to Clawar and Rivlin, the influence of a programming parent can be conscious and willful or unconscious and unintentional. It can be obvious or subtle, with rewards for compliance that were material, social or psychological. Noncompliance may be met with subtle psychological punishment such as withdrawal of love, or direct corporal punishment. The Clawar and Rivlin study found that children might be active or passive participants in the alienation process. The nature and degree of the child’s involvement in the PAS may change over time.
This study identifies the influential role of other people in the child’s life, such as relatives and professionals aligned with the alienating parent, whose endorsement of the program advances the brainwashing process. In a general way, these findings appear to replicate Johnston’s research on high conflict divorce which identified the importance of third party participants in parental conflicts. Rand noted the influence of so-called “professional participants in Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy type abuse which in divorce can overlap with PAS.
Clawar and Rivlin identify eight stages of the programming- brainwashing process, which culminates in severe Parental Alienation Syndrome (7). Recognizing the power imbalance between parent and child, they view the process as driven by the alienating parent who induces the child’s compliance on a step by step basis:
1) A thematic focus to be shared by the programming parent and child emerges or is chosen. This may be tied to a more or less formal ideology relating to the family, religion, or ethnicity;
2) A sense of support and connection to the programming parent is created;
3) Feeling of sympathy for the programming parent is induced;
4) The child begins to show signs of compliance, such as expressing fear of visiting the target parent or refusing to talk to that parent on the phone;
5) The programming parent tests the child’s compliance, for example, asking the child questions after a visit and rewarding the child for “correct” answers;
6) The programming parent tests the child’s loyalty by having the child express views and attitudes, which suggest a preference for one parent over the other;
7) Escalation/intensification/generalization occurs, for example, broadening the program with embellished or new allegations; the child rejects the target parent in a global, unambivalent fashion;
8) The program is maintained along with the child’s compliance, which may range from minor reminders and suggestions to intense pressure, depending on court activity and the child’s frame of mind.

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6 Responses to “Parental Alienation Is A Pattern of Severe Psychological and Emotional Child Abuse”

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My husband and i was married 10yrs.he had been unfaithful for many years of that,but we have a 9yr.old son,one night my husband comes in from work and tells me he wants a divorce so i granted him that.He is doing our son the same way he did me,mulipinatig and controlling him so much so that when hes with me he dont want to talk to his dad on the phone,he always has to have a bowel movement when he calls thats how bad it is.The lawyer i had told him( jake my son) just to go along with what ever his dads says so theres no conflict,not realizing how bad it hurts jake.There are so many incendents that has effected jake and i dont know what to do.Our divorce papers say we are not to bad mouth the other and he does this all the time and Jake comes home and tells me.So what do i do,i cant afford to go back to court and he knows it,i have used legal aide already and i dont think they will help me again.please my son needs help and so do i.
joni

Amy Baker (I don’t want to choose) and Kathleen Reay (Toxic divorce: workbook) both have books that may help you and your son deal with your ex-husbands behavior. I have not read either book. But they come highly recommended. I plan to order them soon. I am not a fan of the family court. They get it wrong more than they get it right. And most of us don’t have money to waste in the courts. The only winner in court seems to be the lawyers. My philosophy is to help myself. With research and reading I can quickly become smarter than most judges and divorce lawyers on this topic. I can help myself more than the court will ever help me. Hang in there.

parental alienation can also take place by child care authorities reacting in a biased and unjustified manner to the presentation of the abusive parent to the other parent, often an absent one, thereby becoming the agents of abuse. Note that in many “democracies” child protection is the one area of law where agencies act as if allegations are true and the accused thereafter have too prove their innocence. How do you prove you are not a risk.

The problem is with the law itself. All other crimes require the onus of proof on the accuser. In Australia the defendant has to prove that something didn’t happen. Many lawyers encourage women to make allegations of domestic violence so that their client can apply for a financial settlement without negotiating a parenting plan. I was dragged out of my home, assaulted by the Police and lost my career in security because of a false allegation of domestic violence. After receiving her financial settlement my ex then applied to have the DVO revoked. She was complaining that I had gone from a triple figure income to Centrelink payments and not paying her enough in Child support. It is a bad law that is exploited by lawyers and psychopaths.

Reading this reminds me of what I said in court regarding my ex-wife’s successful alienation of my children from me. Unfortunately the only winners in the Family Court are lawyers. In Australia, a women only needs to make an allegation of domestic violence (it doesn’t need to be true) and all contact with the father stops.

It’s only been 8 years since I have spent a day with my kids. Centrelink sent me a cheque when my son turned 18 as I had overpaid. The kids can’t see their grandparents, cousins, aunts or uncles because of decisions made by a dodgy family court.


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